Craptastic Cinema

Celebrating The Best Of The Worst Movies

Sharknado

Year : 2013 Director : Anthony C. Ferrante Running Time : 86 minutes Genre : ,
Movie review score
4/5

It was a normal Thursday morning when I received a text from Micah, a friend of mine.  He told me that I needed to at least set my DVR for a movie that would air that night on Syfy.  Seeing that he normally never sent me messages like that, unless it is going to be something good, I didn’t hesitate to do so. When 9pm came around, I had no idea what I was in store for. Over the next couple hours, I fell in love with everything that had to do with this movie. Nothing prepared me for the onslaught of awesomeness that I was watching, not even the preview for the film that had became viral on YouTube (as always you can see the preview by clicking on the movie poster in the upper left corner of this page).  No, nothing quite got me ready to experience the power of Sharknado. I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Syfy Network has gone through several revisions over the years.  When I first started to watch it years ago, when it was Sci-Fi Channel, they would air Japanese anime films, classic episodes of The Outer Limits, and of course the final couple seasons of Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST3K for those in the know, and perhaps the origin of my love of crappy movies).  While science fiction is still their cornerstone for the network, they have branched out in may different avenues.  Currently, the highest rated program on the network is WWE’s Smackdown that airs on Friday nights.  Among some of the original programming they are making are a plethora of made for tv movies, all of which are Craptastic gold.  It was not until Sharknado; however, that they had perfected the art of crappy movies.

Before we get too into the movie, lets take a quick moment to reflect on life in general.  Every one of us have challenges, some of which feel like they are going to be the one that breaks us.  It could be money woes,  lack of a loved one (or perhaps the end of the road with one too), in addition to a wide amount of other issues.  When you are at the bottom of that pit, and you can’t find a rope to help you climb out, reflect on one thing.  At least there isn’t fucking man-eating sharks raining down on you from the sky!!!!  I mean seriously, that alone gives me enough motivation to get though the day.

OK, it’s Sharknado time!!!!

Sharknado begins with a small scene that involved shark fishermen and an Asian businessman on a boat.  The Asian was there to buy the sharks off the fishermen, but there was a small issue over price.  While this is going on, the crewmen of the boat noticed a large storm rolling in, and wanted to steer out of the way.  The captain refused this request, and they stayed in the storm.  Soon enough, the crew members are eaten by sharks.  The Asian man tried to pull a tough guy card and take the money, cargo, and the boat away from the captain at gunpoint.  The captain then shot him with his own gun, and the man was devoured by sharks swimming along side.  His celebration didn’t last long, as he too was torn to shreds by sharks, only his were flying through the air.  What did this scene have to do with the movie?  Not a damn thing.  In fact, there was several plot holes in this scene alone.  For example, why did the Asian man want to do business on their boat?  Also, how did he get on the boat?  When he tried to make his escape, there were not any boats tied to the side of the fishing boat.  Did he get on at shore, then wait out the entire fishing trip to begin business, and plan to steal the boat on his own from the get-go?  If so, he perhaps is the dumbest character in this movie.  That is saying a lot in this film.

After the little shindig on the fishing boat, the opening credits roll.  During which, we are introduced to Fin.  Fin is a surfer, and a bar owner, in LA played by Ian Ziering of 90210 fame.    Fin notices that there is something wrong with the ocean when he goes out on his morning surfing session.  He just figured that it was a “Mexican Hurricane” that was benefiting them in LA with good surfing.  Cut to inside his bar, a news report says that there is a Hurricane David off the coast of Mexico that is massive in size, and has “driven off the recent influx of sharks that have been inhabiting the area”.  Little does anyone know that it is really a hurricane that has sucked up all the sharks off the shore and on a rampage. While this news report is happening, we are introduced to Nova (Cassie Scerbo) who is a bartender in Fin’s bar.  We also meet George (John Heard) who is an ex-surfer who is now a drunk, I guess.  He spends his days in Fin’s bar.  Oh by the way, the name of the bar is “Fin”.  Easy to remember, no?  I foresee no confusion to come in this induction alone.  One thing that is not mentioned, but is displayed on a poster in the background is that Fin, the man not the bar, was the Santa Mira Beach World Surfing Champion of 1988.  Nova also has a shark bite scar on her leg, that she says is from shaving… foreshadow maybe?  I’d also like to point out that they shot this scene in a real bar.  I mention this because there are real booze logos that are all over the bar, but they simply changed their names to avoid having to pay royalties.  OK, they really just placed black construction paper over letters in the name changing “Jagermeister” into “agermeiste”.  Seriously, any barfly will get a chuckle over it.

Craptastic Cinema Agermeist

I personally like the guy checking Nova out.  Watching the entire scene, one will see that he is playing pool by himself…. and the cue ball is on the opposite side of the table in which he was playing.  In fact, I think every pool table in this scene has only one person playing on it at a time.  Paying attention to the small details, ain’t nobody got time for that!!!!

Soon enough, there is a large series of shark attacks off the shore of the beach in which Fin, the bar not the man, is located.  Fin, the man not the bar, was actually out surfing in the ocean with a gal he met a few minutes prior.  She became the first victim of the shark attacks.  Then, one by one, more victims were picked off by the sharks.  Fin was yelling “shark” from the water, and people obviously heard him since it drew their attention to the water.  That is all it did though, as most people just sat there and watched people get killed off in front of them.  Even the lifeguards just looked out at the water.  Dozens of people are dying in front of them, and it generated this reaction…

Craptastic Stare

Yep, two people even appear to be laughing at the whole thing.  Soon enough though, people do get afraid of the attacks and clear the beach.  Fin goes back to Fin, the man going to the bar, and called to his ex-wife April (Tara Reed) telling her, and their daughter Claudia (Aubrey Peeples), to get to higher ground.  April argues that they are far enough away from the water, a full 6 miles away, that they do not have to worry about it and hung up.  Soon after, a shark flew through a window at Fin and attacked the customers.  Nova was on top of it though, and killed the shark with a pool stick.  It was awesome!

After the attack, Fin and Co. decide….. you know what, that is all I am going to type about the story.  From here it is just a complete and total joyride of all things Craptastic.  I would talk more about the plot, but many of the plot holes are what make it great.  Long story short.  Fin gets April and Claudia with the help of his friends.  Some people die along the way, and there are a lot more shark attacks.  In the end, for some reason, it is up to Fin to take out the Sharknado.  Does he?  Well you will have to watch Sharknado to find out, no spoilers here.  Though… they are making a Sharknado 2, just saying.

Sharknado has gained quite a reputation since it’s original air date.  The ratings for the first night were good, but not great.  However, the movie blew up social media outlets.  It was the most trended topic for days following the broadcast.  The buzz started to grow, and by the time the 2nd airing happened a few days later, the ratings almost doubled the original.  The audience keeps growing and growing too.  It was not long after the original air date that the powers that be announced a sequel was in the works, a DVD/BluRay release date, and as I type this the hot news is that there will be a 1-day-only theatrical run for it as well.  Some people created the “Sharknado Challenge” too.  In the challenge, one must watch the movie for as long as they can before they have to turn it off due to awfulness.   I guess I am a grand champion at it because I have watched this movie at least six times in the last couple weeks.  I love it, but as a reader of this site you must know I am a little biased towards these style movies.  One of these days Hollywood will kill me….

Craptastic Cinema Hollywood Kills

Had to put that clip in here somehow.  Haha

Sharknado is without a doubt one of the best low-budget films made in a very long time.  Is there any “science” in this movie made for the science fiction network?  Of course not.  Quality acting?  Depends on your definition of the word “acting”.  On the Craptastic Scale, Sharknado gets a 4 out of 5.  This movie is nearly perfect.  It is so over the top stupid, that it is fantastic.  It does suffer from Tara Reed’s horrible acting.  Yes, there has to be the worst of the worst, and Tara Reed takes the cake for this movie.  Ian Ziering is the MAN though.  Cassie Scerbo has also became one of my favorite actresses right now.  Hope she is in the sequel, she may be the modern day b-movie queen.  Overall though, it is the stupid plot holes, bad acting, 2nd rate CGI, and the fact that there are sharks flying around LA via a tornado that make Sharknado amazing.  I fully recommend that everyone watches this movie at least once.  The only thing missing is perhaps Samuel L. Jackson.  Him delivering a line like he did in Snakes on a Plane would have been perfect.  “I have had it with these motherfuckin’ sharks in this motherfuckin’ tornado!.”

The DVD and BluRay are soon to be released, and also be sure to catch it in the theaters for it’s one day run nationwide (August 2nd, 2013 if you are wondering).  Plus, Syfy is running the movie on a loop, more or less, in recent weeks, tying entire movie marathons around it.  Any way you can see this movie, see this movie.  You will not regret it.  Till then, hang lose my friends.

Craptastic Cinema Sharknado

Oh in case you ever want to visit the real “Fin Bar”, head on down to the world famous Santa Monica Pier.  Fin is really Mariasol Cocina Mexicana.  A fantastic restaurant, with amazing views.

-Matt Camarco

 

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